


Not The Boy I Used To Be

by tiredperalta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Jake is back from Prison, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Recovery, Set between Kicks and Bad Beat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 03:46:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14535936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiredperalta/pseuds/tiredperalta
Summary: Jake Peralta cannot breathe.





	Not The Boy I Used To Be

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 15 minutes as a vent.  
> Please leave a comment if you like this, feedback is appreciated!

Jake Peralta cannot breathe.

It’s a quarter to twelve and if he can hold out for just fourteen minutes and thirteen seconds, he can run off the crime scene and hide around the corner to spend his lunch break regulating his breathing and repeating a mantra to himself to bring himself back to earth.

But fate is against him as it is so fond of being these last few years and suddenly Jake isn’t breathing and he’s dully aware that in the distance he feels pain as he digs his nails into his palms and draws blood.

Amy Santiago is the first to notice. The first to notice how he collapses weakly against the brick wall behind them, eyes frozen as they solely focus on the body in front of them. The first to notice how he’s shaking as his breathing becomes shallow.

She immediately nudges Terry into action. Nods subtly at Jake and then gestures at those around them. She waits for him to send the temps and the Medical Examiners off on their early lunchbreaks and, when the crime scene is empty, Jake slides his back silently down the wall.

She sits next to him, places her hands on her lap so he can see them and reminds him he’s okay, he’s safe, he’s with her and Terry’s nearby and Rosa is in the car and Charles left to get coffee.

But his breath hitches in his throat and he’s close to crying but the most striking thing is the quiet. He can’t – won’t – talk and with every disaster life has thrown at them in the last few years the one thing she depends on is Jake’s loud voice and his even louder laugh.

And it terrifies her. Because it’s Jake. And not just because she’s in love with him but because she _knows_ Jake _._ Jake who makes jokes to grieving widows. Jake who pretends to be a zombie in the morgue. Jake who giggles over arresting hot murderers. He’s dealt with cases that would send a lesser cop into therapy and he’s dealt with situations that would drive most people out of the force entirely.

But she doesn’t know _this_ Jake. Jake who shakes when he sees a dead body. Jake who stumbles over his words when he’s reciting the Miranda Rights. Jake who can’t be trusted to be the primary officer on cases anymore. Jake who still hasn’t touched his trusty gun. Jake who clutches at her arm whenever Hawkins is mentioned in passing. Jake who has nightmares and is still painted with bruises and scars down his back. Jake who freaked out last week because he saw an _orange_ _shirt_. Jake who _panics_.

Jake who was cleared to go back into the field after four weeks of desk duty.

Cleared. As in: _“sound in body and mind to return to work.”_

Jake Peralta cannot breathe.

 


End file.
